thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
