youre lurking in front of me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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