I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
