I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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