Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
