Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
