I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
