I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
