dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
