Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
