Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
