I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Life is so much better after having sex.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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