oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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