this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the day after is always just damage control
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
