a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
