Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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