Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
