Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
