You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
