dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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