I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
