Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
