Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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