Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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