oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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