i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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