Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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