He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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