i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
