You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
