I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
