I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I pour the whiskey from now on
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
