dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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