chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
