WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
