i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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