I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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