I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
