I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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