Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
