i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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