Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We are two peas in an std pod
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
