just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
pop tarts are not kleenex
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
