Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
