Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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