You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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