she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
and you fell through a lawn chair
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
