i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
