I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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