so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
