I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
