I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I AM VODKA MAN
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
